Yo. It’s 2017. How in the heck did we get here? “By living, Diane,” you’ll probably say. In which I’d respond, “Shut up, smart-ass.”
So you know, now all of those couples who said they won’t get married until EVERYONE in the country can have to follow through. I’ll be on the lookout for those announcements guys! (Because you know, now you HAVE TO GET MARRIED. You’re not a fully realized human until you do.)
They’ve been rumored to be hanging around Borgin and Burkes in Diagon Alley, looking suspicious and putting birds inside of cabinets…
One of my least favorite things about getting older is learning all the different ways my body is changing as a result of just living my darn life, business as usual. Lesson learned last night? I can’t approach parties like this Expecting to come out on the other side like When in reality I wakeContinue reading “I’m Not a Kid Anymore. But whhhhhy?”
I can’t even take the idea of New Year’s resolutions seriously because I never keep to mine. I think I even stopped making them like 5 years ago, but you know what? I’m approaching 30 and the games have got to stop. I’ve got to become more srs bsns. And I should start by doingContinue reading “Oh Hey 2015, Take A Seat”
A gentleman walks into the towels section of my department store. Me: Do you need help with anything? Him: Yes, what are your plushiest towels and do you have a way to measure the plushiness? Me: (starts to laugh then stops when I realize he’s not joking) …unfortunately we don’t have the technology to measureContinue reading “Monday”
Christmas is here and the joyous and merry people are nowhere to be found. Where they at though? And can they come to my store because everyone else seems to suck all the light from my life. On the daily.
The times have changed. It was really easy to freak out and feel like a failure when I left my full-time job because I was too busy defining my success according to how other people defined it…for themselves. NOT ME! Well, liberation is here my friends, because I don’t care what you think!
David doesn’t give a rats behind about pop culture. One bit. I do though! He sends me a text: “Have you seen this break the internet thing with her?” And he attached the photo. Me: Yeah when it first came out. Still don’t care. David: Me either until I saw this