Hey gurl. HEY GURL. YOU GOT A BOYFRIEND? YES? DOES HE LET YOU HAVE FRIENDS? I’M A GREAT FRIEND!

The Conclusion.

Some people won’t respect your relationship with your significant other, which is fine, because the only people your relationship should ever concern is you and him. Or her. Or yourself. Here at the Dark Roast blog, I am an ally of love in all of its forms. Don’t be afraid to share and express it here because this is a safe space.

  Alright. Love. Man. Can’t live with it, can’t live without it, amirite Jackie? Some of you are out there actively seeking a relationship and I wish you so much luck with that. I’ve read and been told tons of date horror stories, tales that have made me laugh until I cried and I sit here not being envious of you guys at all. But then I think of how rude that is (sorry) and realize that if I’ve found success in my relationship, why can’t I encourage others with tips and tricks to get you a man and keep him! Just kidding, this isn’t Cosmo. The first thing I do need to express is how if you’re not ready to date, then don’t. I understand the pressures of parents and friends who want you to have what they have and how it could be stressful but you can’t let that get you trapped into something you’ll inevitably regret. I am a HUGE advocate of taking your precious time to make life-changing decisions and basically, we all should be.

Therefore, I’d like to share some tips on helping your soul recognize its counterpoint in another person (YES I stole that from Wedding Crashers, let’s keep it moving).

1. If laughter is the best medicine, make sure you have a great doctor: Your significant other doesn’t have to be a comedian on Will Ferrell lip-syncing “Drunk In Love” levels, but they should be able to make you laugh, and with ease. We all have bad days and if you’re like me, sometimes you can’t pull yourself out of your own funk. That recipe for disaster can be alleviated by someone who is intent on making sure you’re happy by sending you silly stuff like this:

How can you not feel loved?

2. Chasing your dreams is more fun when someone is chasing them with you: Last night I was in a slight funk because I didn’t write all day. I told my boyfriend how I had every intention to do so, kept putting it off, and before I knew it 8:00 p.m. had hit and I had no motivation to sit in front of my laptop.  I base the success of my plans to write for a living on being able to write when I want to. If I can’t pump out a blog post or something in my journal, I feel like a disappointment. This morning as he was getting ready for work, David told me he fed and walked our dog Kira and gave her a bone filled with peanut butter to keep her occupied so that I could write in peace. Someone who actively works to help you in turn work for your goals and dreams is a keeper. If the person you’re pursuing never asks you what you want to do or where you want to be in the future, it’s because they don’t care. That is the vibe to avoid when you’re trying to live your dreams.

3. Unless you consider yourself to be an asshole, don’t date one: How do they tip? Do they say please and thank you often, especially to strangers? If not, unless you want people to think you’re a jerk with no care for others, don’t align yourself with someone like that. Also, if there’s any part of you that finds that to be attractive, look at your life. Look at your choices.

4. The ratio of physical and mental should be based on the 60-40: I won’t tell you which one holds the majority in my relationship and I definitely won’t tell you which one should hold more sway in yours. Whether you crave mental stimulation over anything else can’t diminish how easily your significant other can turn you on when the time is right. On the other side of that, If you’re into the physical and that is extremely important to you, you can still appreciate how you’re challenged and directed by who you’re spending your time with.  I say this because it is virtually impossible to measure your couple dynamic on a 50-50 scale. There is and always will be one thing you feel the strongest about when you’re dating a particular person, and you know it! Just think back to your last relationship and analyze. The answers will come to you, young Padawan.

5. Don’t rush into it! When the boyfriend and I first met, we were agreed that we were going to keep things casual because we didn’t want the drama of a relationship. The time it took between the both of us separately realizing that we had feelings for each other stronger than friendship (that really stemmed from an adorable selfishness of him not wanting to share me with anyone else) was a couple of months. Months of “Does she? Would he?” was enough to drive us both crazy, so when we finally nutted up and told each other, it was like the ultimate weight off of our shoulders. On both ends, we were trying to guess what the other wanted like the trained psychics we were, and upon failing for months, our feelings grew. We benefited from that because we were closer, there was a level of trust there that we both needed to date each other, and that kind of security you just can’t buy. Now can I get an AMEN.

This week I’ve talked self-love as a means of alleviating the bitterness that can come from being single or lonely. I expounded on how self-love can help you spot a disastrous relationship or friendship that you should utterly AVOID like the plague and I’ve closed this feature with some guidelines on finding your true love. I add a disclaimer to say that these things worked for me and hell, they may not work for you. Do I think they’re great jumping off points though? Yes. We can come into friendships and relationships with a list of must haves for a person, but unless you create them through sheer will and the Imperius curse, it’s just not going to happen. Be prepared to compromise and accept what you think you deserve and who will love you with their everything.

Good luck, and Godspeed.

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Part One   Part Two