Back in college, I had this friend who I’ll call SG who I became close with as our senior year began. We met through a mutual friend I was roommates with before she graduated and we realized we had much in common. We liked the same music and laughed at the same stuff which easily made us partners in crime. When I look back to our friendship and how it then fell apart, I could spot some of the signs as to why it didn’t work out. I probably noticed them during the life of our relationship but I refused to pay attention because I was addicted to the companionship. Boy oh boy was that bad.
As our last week of undergrad approached, we had plans with another friend of mine to hang out during “Senior Week.” We were going to drink, party, go on the final alcohol-infused tour of the campus, hang out at convocation and tie it all up with graduating. So imagine my surprise when that week came and she was nowhere to be found. She wouldn’t respond to phone calls or texts from me and when she did, she’d make plans to hang out and then flake. Naturally I started going back and forth between whose fault it was, landed on her and decided to just graduate and keep it moving. Either we’d talk about what happened, or we wouldn’t.
We never did and I saw SG on graduation day, approaching me to ask if we could take a picture. I would have stood there and told her about herself if her parents weren’t around, but I decided that this friendship wasn’t going anywhere, not after that behavior. We barely spoke over the summer and I was began shutting the door to that friendship. Then she came back and we planned on seeing each other in September when we were going to drive back to campus for a mutual friend’s birthday party. The day of the party, she picked me up more than 3 hours late, brought three other people along on the trip and apologized for none of it. I was perfectly fine with the other people being there; yeah we wouldn’t have a chance to talk like we needed to, but they were also a buffer between me tearing her apart and me keeping my cool.
We finally arrived to the party and I was extremely grateful to be out of the car and away from her. I felt completely ignored on the ride down and just wanted to be around my real friends and at peace again. I wish you could have seen my face when she came up to me with a guy she said was her boyfriend who I then found out she had started seeing during our Senior Week. So many questions had been answered after that. We were supposedly best friends and she had been with this guy who she told me nothing about. I legit had no idea whatsoever. In order to maintain my senses, I said hello to him, made a comment about his hat, and left them both. Naturally I was pissed and wanted nothing to do with her at that moment because there was a line that was crossed. Friends who you spend time with, trust, and essentially love, you assume will be able to confide in you the way you do with them. I was always open with her and accommodating and it was a slap in the face to find out she did not treat me the same way. I felt emotionally abused and used up.
I tell this story as a cautionary tale to be aware of where you spend and use your love and with whom. Not every person you meet in life who “gets you” and makes you laugh is worthy of your love. Hell, some of them aren’t even worthy of your thoughts. If you don’t understand how important you are by reasserting your self-worth often, you’ll find yourself giving too much to a relationship, whether it’s with your significant other or friends. I should have known from warnings I received from people and stories I heard about SG that something wasn’t quite right upstairs. I chose not to confront those issues because she would go out to lunch with me when nobody else was available. I acted as if I didn’t notice how territorial and unhealthy some of her relationships were because I felt like I was so special having her fight to be with me. What a dumb ass I was. I was too busy trying to please and impress this girl that I wasn’t loving myself enough to accept that something was wrong with her and our friendship.
The day I knew she was truly insane was when I was told by my best friend of 10+ years that he ran into her on his campus in Arizona and she told him that the reason we were no longer friends was because I hit on her boyfriend. You remember! The boyfriend I didn’t even know my best friend was dating? She reported to my best friend like this was damning information and he who is not big on girly drama called me to ask me what had happened because he couldn’t believe that I would do something like that. The fact that she’d approach someone I’d known since the 7th grade and tell him something so disgusting like that expecting him to take her side was pure madness. And I just knew at that moment that even though we were no longer friends, she especially didn’t respect whatever it was we had because she was trying to tarnish my name.
This post is long, mainly because I’m exorcising a demon here. This will legitimately be the last time I ever speak of SG and this story because I’m happy now without her. I hope she’s happy wherever she is and that she’s worked out whatever made her so unhappy to treat me the way she did. My circle of friends now are trustworthy and I never question myself around them because I know they accept me. I without hesitation give my all to them because I know I deserve whatever love they give me in return.
Learn the signs people. Save yourself the unnecessary heartache that comes from problematic friends. You’d be surprised how much they could hurt you, but they are just people too. Love yourself and you’ll be able to see when someone is taking advantage of your kindness and care.
Have you ever had a time you saw the signs of a disastrous relationship and you refused to heed the warnings just to get bitten in the ass for it later?