With Valentine’s Day fast approaching this Saturday, there are probably a lot of people who are feeling levels of loneliness heightened by the knowledge that they’re single and won’t be spending that day with someone “special.” Let’s get one thing straight, you are all the special you need for that day. I’ve spent more V-days single than I have in a relationship and there’s a lot I learned from them worth sharing. This week begins a mini feature on love and relationships I’m calling “Love Thyself and The Rest Will Follow.”
My largest gripe about the approach of this holiday is the appearance of people on social media touting the “What’s so special about Valentine’s Day because it’s a fake holiday? You should show the people you love that you care about them all year around.” You know exactly who I’m talking about. You could probably name someone off the top of your head who has said this. And you’re probably thinking what I’m thinking. “Yes, you’re right, but you’re also not coming to an original realization here. We know the holiday isn’t officially real, but it’s real to a lot of people.” So here’s your warning if this is you: Stop spreading your bitterness like the measles and get you a shot of silence.
Some people enjoy this day because all around the lands, people are expressing their love for each other in a myriad of ways at the same time. Can you salty kids allow that wonderful thought to warm your heart for a second and just mellow out? It’s a brief respite from remembering just how terrible the world can truly be at times, and those who insist on holding on to that darkness are missing out. They’re totally forgetting that the act of love isn’t all about loving another or having one love you. On Valentine’s Day, they could take some of that energy and time used to post on social media to love themselves.
One of the last Valentine’s Days I spent single, I was intent on doing something for myself. I knew I wouldn’t be going out (because ew, cold. And ew, couples) so I bought myself a lovely bottle of Pinot Noir and resolved to spend the night watching movies and hanging out on Tumblr. And you know what? That time I took to get myself something I knew I loved and surfing the nets with no pressure to be or act a certain way was absolutely divine. I got drunk, I chatted with friends on Skype and honestly had one of the best times ever. I loved how good I felt and how much fun I was having, and I was intent on making sure that whether by myself or with a significant other, I would take some time to love on myself for Valentine’s Day. If anything, it makes you appreciate yourself more and the things you may receive from a SO for just being your awesome, lovely, and wonderful self.
The very last Valentine’s Day I spent single was in 2011. It was a particularly dark time for me because my father had passed away the day before. I was feeling these amounts of sadness and shock I didn’t even think were possible. There was a hole that was steadily growing in my heart because honestly, my father was the first man I ever truly loved. He made me mad at times, laugh at stupid stuff, was patient when it came to teaching me things, and was generous. Losing him almost made me wonder if I’d be able to love a man like that again?
That day though, my mom and I were still reeling from the loss. But she had that strength that only a mother could have and she came into my bedroom, as I was the only child still living at home, asked me how I was feeling, and told me Happy Valentine’s Day. We hugged and kissed and she allowed me to curl back into bed and mourn. It’s like, even though we were hurting and missing a huge part of our family unit, she still remembered what day it was and felt it important to tell me she was thinking of me. It reminded me that not all Valentine’s Days had to be about romantic love and flowers and candies. Family love, a mother’s love, was enough to remind me that starting within and working out was and is so much more important than having someone lavish gifts on you. Knowing your self-worth will take you above and beyond feeling lonely or as if you lack something.
I finish today reiterating some things. If you absolutely must continue to be a Debbie Downer and inform the world of your above average knowledge of the reality of Valentine’s Day, do us a favor and keep it yourself. While you’re at it, take a moment to figure out why you feel the need to bring negativity into the lives of those just trying to have fun on a silly day celebrating LOVE. Take some time to do something you’ve always wanted to do and relish in the fact that you don’t have to make plans with someone, wait for them, or get extra dolled up because you only need to impress yourself. Or matter fact, get your sexy on! Go out alone looking fierce as hell and you never know! Also, if you’re single on V-Day this year, call a parent, sibling, cousin, friend, nanny or puppy and tell them that you love them. You’d be surprised how good you’d feel making them feel special for being loved by you.
See you guys tomorrow for part two!
6 thoughts on “Love Thyself And The Rest Will Follow – Part One”
Absolutely beautiful post.
I cannot imagine how you must have felt after your dad had passed away; you can definitely tell you were a daddy’s girl in the picture. Absolutely adorable.
You’re right. Valentine’s day isn’t about lavish gifts! If you’re in a relationship, it’s another opportunity to express your love for that person. If you’re single, it’s a chance to show other loved ones in your life how much you care for them.
I think I may also spend my Valentine’s Day with a bottle of wine and some Skype chats. 🙂
As weird as this may sound, I think my dad passing away was partially a good thing because two of my best friends lost their fathers within the next year and it prepared me to comfort them from a place of understanding and true sympathy.
It’s so easy to forget that Valentine’s Day is just another day, so there’s no reason why we shouldn’t just keep to business as usual and not make a big deal of it. But I wholly encourage sharing some love with family and friends during that day.
I hope your V-day is just what you want and need it to be!
SOOOOOOO let me tell you how much i LOVE THIS POST!!! uggggggh. You already know my relationship went into the shitter, so I’m not going to lie, I have been dreading Saturday like the damn plague. I’m also not looking forward to my ex and his 21 (yes, she just turned 21) yr old baby boo flossing their relationship. Sooooo this post spoke to my soul. I love the way you write, hell I just love you lol. I know we were talking about keeping up daily posts as far as goals, you should def stick to this feature this week. I love it. I loved the message behind it, and in a week that I was potentially dreading, you have given me lifeeeeeee !!! Love it!
GURLLLLLLAH! I’m glad it spoke to you! I started off feeling like being nasty about it, but then I realized that when people are hurting, coming at them aggressively won’t help them feel better and make me look like a dick. I’m currently in love and want to share how I found that and maintain it while attempting to cheer people up. Also, 21 year old infant? OKAY. To each their own, I guess. Just know that your ex probably isn’t with her for her personality…LOL jk, she could be a lovely girl. This week will get better for you, and then it’ll be awesome. Watch.
haha. Look if we gon be pals… I’m going to need you to bash his 21 year old love interest too. lol I’m not there yet to call her a “lovely girl.” lol. I’m still at the dartboard phase lol.hahaha
But yes, your delivery wasn’t too strong, so you didn’t come off like a dick. When dealing with sensitive sobbing hearts we need to come down with a slight little hammer lol. Some of us are barely making it over here.I loved the post though, you know I’m such a fan of your writing, and I can’t wait to see what you come up with today. It’s funny and so real. love. love. love.