One of my least favorite things about getting older is learning all the different ways my body is changing as a result of just living my darn life, business as usual. Lesson learned last night? I can’t approach parties like this
Expecting to come out on the other side like
When in reality I wake up the next morning all
Except less cute and with nobody to pick me up and hold me.
One of my best friend’s celebrated her birthday yesterday starting with go karts. Outside. At 7 pm. “But Diane” I hear you saying, “Isn’t it the middle of January?” and I’d respond “YES, I’m aware, but she’s crazy and apparently this is a thing and she’s my friend who I love so I did it!”
Doesn’t that smile look genuine? Like I was totes ready to have 33 degree winds gusting by my face and through my soul for the sake of my friend? I think so. It was fun, but next year I may be skipping that part of the festivities.
Afterwards, we got Mexican food at this joint called The Alamo which honestly was the most enjoyable part of the night because food. But now in retrospect wasn’t the most enjoyable because it was the start of the display of my excellent decision-making skills in the form of one of these bad boys
EVEN after this, the night wasn’t done. We drove into D.C. to hit up a dive bar called The Codmother on U St that boasts cheap dranks and a chill atmosphere. When I hear cheap drinks, especially in D.C. I’m all kinds of
because everything in that city is expensive for no reason. I’m now LOLing at my plans to actually move into it within the year because clearly I’m a glutton for that struggle life.
Had something called a Peruvian Bear Fucker that was orange juice mixed with beer with a shot of I don’t even know that was gaggy. Like, it’s the drink people in Yelp reviews tell you to try at this place and I felt extremely betrayed by those strangers and my friend for recommending it because it was like drinking sadness. Sometime between that horror, some dingus cranking the music up way too loud, and me being a super girl by secretly asking this chick that was sloppy drunk and had a guy groping all over her if he was her boyfriend (he was thankfully), this happened
(That’s the birdfer gur btw)
A selection of vodka drinks happened. Where was the water in all of this? Dripping from a ceiling vent in the bathroom onto my head actually
I somehow found a way to get down like
To Smash Mouth’s “All Star” in a bar which I’m now extremely embarrassed to be admitting and I really implore you to forget I even wrote this. Please.
I woke up this morning feeling like that scene from The Avengers when Iron Man was flying in the propeller of SHIELD’s aircraft waiting for Captain America to pull the red lever and because Grandpa Caps was having some trouble getting to it, Tony got knocked about in it before he fell out. Basically, it wasn’t a good look. There were tons of times that I thought back to the night like “I could have just stopped there and would have been good” but NOOOOooooo. Diane still thinks she’s 19 and can party until 3 am with no repercussions.
Just remember Diane, if that’s how you’re living, I’m gonna need you to keep your complaints to yourself and not write an entire blog post about them. That’s basically what this was. One big whine.